The past few weeks have been filled with some tough blows. Every time I am down about something it always makes me miss my mom more. Maybe it is the inner child in me who just wants their mommy when they are afraid or sad. Or maybe it is because so much of what is going on in my life and at the national level makes me want to complain, vent and commiserate—something my mom and I were always very good at.
A few months after mom died, I received two small packages a few weeks apart. The first was a pair of gold Ruth Bader Ginsburg collar earrings from a friend who wrote on the card that she was inspired hearing about my mom, a badass feminist, and hopes that her daughters one day will look up to her the same way I look up to Barb. I know! Really sweet right?!
On my 40th birthday, a few weeks later, I opened a package from my cousin who was born just a month after me. Silver RBG collar earrings and this card. Now if you remember my mom, you know she was most always coordinated. Her outfits matched her earrings and she knew which outfits go with silver, which ones go with gold, and that you wear your animal earrings on the day you go to the zoo and the star ones on the day you go to the planetarium, and the red, white and blue ones on July 4th and greens ones the entire week leading up to St. Patrick’s day. I find the fact that I have two pairs, in silver and gold, given to me by women I adore the last months of RBG’s life just wonderful. It is so #belikeBarb
RBG, Black Panther’s Chadwick Boseman, and Civil Rights icon John Lewis all died of cancer during the covid pandemic. Cancer treatment and ultimately dying from cancer is a cruel process to witness. Witnessing a loved one’s body let them down is such a painful experience. Visions of my mom’s sick body haunt me. My brothers’ and I have talked about how messed up our dreams are and how we are still processing her death even when we sleep. Grieving often feels like you don’t sleep anymore, that you can never catch up and feel fully rested. The pandemic hasn’t helped and sorrow just compounds the sorrow.
This poem from Maya Angelou has been floating around. Every time I see it I think of my mom, who was the greatest tall tree in the forest. Who showed us how to “be and be better.”
When Great Trees Fall by Maya Angelou
When great trees fall,
rocks on distant hills shudder,
lions hunker down
in tall grasses,
and even elephants
lumber after safety.
When great trees fall
in forests,
small things recoil into silence,
their senses
eroded beyond fear.
When great souls die,
the air around us becomes
light, rare, sterile.
We breathe, briefly.
Our eyes, briefly,
see with
a hurtful clarity.
Our memory, suddenly sharpened,
examines,
gnaws on kind words
unsaid,
promised walks
never taken.
Great souls die and
our reality, bound to
them, takes leave of us.
Our souls,
dependent upon their
nurture,
now shrink, wizened.
Our minds, formed
and informed by their
radiance, fall away.
We are not so much maddened
as reduced to the unutterable ignorance of
dark, cold
caves.
And when great souls die,
after a period peace blooms,
slowly and always
irregularly. Spaces fill
with a kind of
soothing electric vibration.
Our senses, restored, never
to be the same, whisper to us.
They existed. They existed.
We can be. Be and be
better. For they existed.
In the spirit of #belikeBarb I am sharing some great ways to help our democracy. We have less than 40 days until the election and although I’m not convinced that all hell is breaking loose, silence is violence. We must stand up to hate and ignorance in our neighborhoods, schools, places of worship, at work, on playgrounds, and behind closed doors. We must take steps to be in a safer and healthier place in 2021.
- Vote and make sure a young person you know is voting too. https://www.usa.gov/register-to-vote
- This site helps you see who is running and what questions will be on the ballot. This is really helpful because I often know more about the president and senators and less about the other positions or the questions that will be on my specific ballot. It explains what it means to vote yes or no to questions that are often really hard to understand because of how they are written. You can save your picks and share via email or social media. I just made my ballot and shared with some young voters in Philadelphia, explaining why I will be voting the way I am and encouraged them to go through their ballot so they are prepared. https://www.ballotready.org/
- This site helps you decide who to vote for based on your beliefs. They ask you your opinion about healthcare, the economy, immigration, women’s rights, education, etc. After you answer the questions they will tell you which candidates align most with you. https://www.isidewith.com/
- Want to focus locally? Put your zip code in here and you can learn about the strategies to win near you. You can also donate, write letters or make calls on behalf of Democrats in your area. https://swingleft.org/
- This is a great way to donate to candidates across the country who are in close races. It helps if you make small (we are talking a $1-5) but monthly recurring donations. Once you set up an account you can select who, how and when. https://secure.actblue.com/
- These are some candidates that I suggest focusing on. You can also see which states are battleground states here: https://votesaveamerica.com/states/#battleground-states Biden/Harris, Jon Ossoff (Georgia), Raphael Warnock (Georgia), Amy McGrath (Kentucky), Sara Gideon (Maine), Doug Jones (Alabama), Mark Kelly (Arizona), Steve Bullock (Montana), Jamie Harrison (South Carolina), Cal Cunningham (North Carolina), Theresa Greenfield (Iowa), John Hickenlooper (Colorado), Barbara Bollier (Kansas), MJ Hegar (Texas)
- Simple to do letter writing. Sign up and agree to write your choice of 5-20 letters at a time. The letters can be downloaded and you add the reason why you are voting. The “big send” is when everyone mails them out together Oct 17th. https://votefwd.org/
- Follow this effort on instagram over the next month to see an action tip posted each day until the election. https://www.instagram.com/glennondoyle/?hl=en
- This group in Pennsylvania has a great list of ways to engage by getting more educated about issues to text banking. https://turnpablue.org/
- Write a sample postcard that gets approved (there’s an easy script to follow). Once approved, you get addresses and can mail out postcards. My mom would love this one because you can get creative and inspire others with your art and words. https://postcardstovoters.org/?fbclid=IwAR2H2Fs7jUWx32r2H-UqmAlXZIPx-XN4M9Y1i-tCzcN5SyTJVCKXukZNsXU here is another site to get addresses: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfvh7KFngH906ZeB3ai9X9EurF0T8aGCryCDT5b4SoMV1ncMQ/viewform
Be Like Barb 
Thank you, your mom was such an awesome caring lady. I miss her. My prayers are with you and your family. Memories cannot be taken from our hearts. Everyone should “Be Like Barb”
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