There is much to be said about the importance of the sibling relationship. There are more small and single child families today than ever before and due to that, entire social systems are changing. As I grieve my mom’s death, I can’t stop thinking about her relationship with her sisters and my relationship with my brothers.
My mom had eight sisters. She was born third in line. It was a fun fact and a harsh reality at the same time. She loved it and was so very proud of it. It wasn’t without heartache though. There were fights, fall outs, and even a loss that none of them predicted. But most of the time it was beautiful and I looked up to my aunts and deeply wished for a sister of my own. My dad has five siblings. He is the baby of the lot and with that comes a different type of relationship to his brothers and sisters. All of my parents’ siblings had at least one kid and those kids have kids now. My many cousins were my first friends and I still appreciate them dearly.
Growing up I was always close to my brothers and honestly, not much has changed. We have lived in multiple cities and countries and have very different careers but I’ve never felt distant from them. I know that at some points we have all been annoyed with each other and worried about one another but mostly it is just love and support. All day, everyday. This could be because we are all just super cool people but I’m pretty sure it is because of mom. She was the architect of the family and also the builder. As kids we did everything together. As teens we started doing our own things, but found tons of common ground to stay connected. We all left home at one point or another before there were cell phones and internet. We kept in touch through postcards from our posts in college and travels in Europe, Africa and Asia but mainly through updates shared through mom. Mom taught us that home wasn’t so much a place. It was our unique family bond. I always felt sorry for families that didn’t have what we had.
I can imagine that a death in the family can make a family break apart. My mom was definitely a homebase and the head of our nuclear and extended family. She was such a presence that it will feel obviously empty at any future family gathering. But I’m not worried about anything breaking apart. My brothers and I will only get closer now as we fulfill her legacy.
Why are Siblings Important? (published in Huff Post)
- They shape the person you become. Kids raised with siblings have a natural understanding that people can be very different. When you grow up with people with different aptitudes and personalities than yourself, it instills a very high social and emotional understanding of people around you; even much later in life.
- They help you communicate better. People with siblings have negotiated a lot in their younger days. Watching and listening to siblings helps kids strengthen their communication loop. They quickly understand what will work and what won’t with their friends. They also develop unique methods to negotiate with their parents.
- It’s one of the most enduring relationships of your life. Children who grew up with healthy relationships with their siblings tend to feel more supported and secure during adulthood. Not surprisingly, this is because siblings know you right through your soul as a result of sharing the same parents, same environment, same conditioning, same discipline and even the same disappointments.
12 Tips to Build a Stronger Sibling Bond (published in Aha! Parenting Blog)
- Don’t interrupt happy play.
- Promote the idea of the sibling team
- Help kids work out problems without making anyone wrong.
- Use oxytocin to get your children bonding- Laughing. Being outdoors. Dancing. Singing. Roughhousing.
- Support siblings to nurture each other.
Be Like Barb 